#the only thing i can think of is people feeling uncomfortable in a way that the presence of that person is ruining their blog

[call-me-lemon]

Fuck it ill answer all of them in order

01: hah, no.

02: my cat

03: yup

04: Oh, very

05: Single

06: Im not picky

07: One single buttery round cracker

08: hah, no.

09: not anymore

10: hmm.. has to be several years ago now

11: yup.

12: Longer, even, just to prove that I could.

13: I hate several people.

14: I miss everyone.

15: Several!

16: My stomach hurts but my spirits are high. Im being very brave.

17: nope

18: Not as much as I used to be, but yes.

19: Nah, im good how I am. Things happened how they happened and theyre going to keep happening, so theres no point in meddling.

20: never snogged a day in my life

21: Exist and find joy in the moment. I never plan anything.

22: Nope

23: Nope, I only wear clipons.

24: uhhhh being gay.

25: A few, yes. My friends from elementary school (Primary for the brits)

26: Im not craving anything at the moment

27: I cant imagine so, im not desirable.

28: I can imagine so. My first bf was always flirtimg with anoother guy in front of me and when I told him it made me uncomfortable he just said "Dont worry about it" and we never spoke of it again. I think that counts.

29: Cannot confirm or deny, but its likely.

30: My feet kind of hurt.

31: I hope so.

32: Yellow. Pastel yellow, specifically.

33: Who can say for sure. I cant self-diagnose that kind of thing.

34: Trying to kill my mom in a fit of rage, but nothing I did had any effect on her and she talked down to me the entire time which only made the fit worse.

35: I dont remember.

36: Maybe. I dont like holding grudges, too much effort on my end.

37: for me, forget.

38: Who knows, its barely started.

39: probably either teen or preteen.

40: No.

51: (Fuck it ig we doing 50s now) Fetucinni alfredo

52: Probably not any reason higher than just the way the world is. There is no divine purpose and life is what you make of it.

53: I took my cat to the bathroom and gave her a piggy-back ride back into my room as was her will.

54: Nothing is black and white, but you'd better have a damn good reason or you get put into the pit.

55: Oh, very.

56: Like one or two at most and I did not do well.

57: Nope. In fact, I dislike the idea of having this one true love tied to you by fate. It takes all the choice out of the relationship. Either be with someone the strings of time have chosen for you, or be alone forever. Thats horrifying.

58: Snow and rain. Makes me sleepy

59: Love it.

60: I dont really care either way

61: Nope. I dislike that pet name even tho I use it personally for my cats, but it feels a little bit to demeaning to be used for a lover since in my experience its always been used from a position of power.

62: Living and being free to live.

63: I dont really like my name but I dont have anything I actually do like to change it to. I guess I just dont like being percieved.

64: I would rather kill myself actually.

65: God, I wish.

66: yes. Mostly. For the most part.

67: hermm... The owner of a warrior cats long term rp server.

68: I dont remember, I tend to say extremely deep sounding things at random. Im the stupidest bitch alive but it lets me spout sage wisdom once in a while.

69: No. Love is what you make of it.

70: I would die or kill for anyone I actually care about no questions asked.

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[stxrryskys]

Idk gang sometimes I just wanna be manhandled 😔 anyways can u do manhandling HCS for the MW crew? Including Anya cuz I feel like she's stronger than let on.

AHHH I LOVE THIS WHAT THE FREAK SAGE!!

C/W : Mating press, dirty talk, pet names, drooling?, oral (F receiving), over stimulation,degradation, and..man handling..obv

and I think thats it😣😣, not proofread!! Enjoy!

Daisuke:

He was just a baby!! He never thought he'd have you in such a compromising postiton like this

The one thing he wants to do in life is make his girlfriend feel good so when you came to him about how you'd want him to be more rough in bed he did his research, he searched some positions and some things to say that would satisfy you

So when you guys were fucking he had you in ... Mating press, you weren't flexible so you had to admit it was kinda painful at first but the pleasure of his cock hammering in and out of you

"A-am I doing - good? "

"Mhm- fuck Daisuke I'm gonna-" when you came on his cock he just kept going and it was almost to much..

Curly:

He's a big guy, a really big guy, and he's always so gentle with you, part of you wished he'd just throw you down on your bed and just rock your shit, in a sexual sense that is. You had talked to curly about it on a couple of occasions and he's stated that the thought of hurting you makes him uncomfortable, and you understand that and the last thing you wanted was for him to feel uncomfortable.

Today you had a plan, you would act insanely bratty at dinner with his coworkers to yknow.. Make him crack.

"Uh.. Boss will you uh? Excuse us? " his eye was practically twitching and he grabbed your arm, forcing you to follow him to the bathroom.

"This was your plan huh? Act like a fucking brat until I what? Take you to the bathroom and fuck you? " he locked the stall and whisper yelled and propped you up on the sink

"... Depends.. Are you gonna fuck me in the bathroom? "

He scoffed loudly and flipped your dress up, your damp panties in his view

"Shit- fucking slut.. " he muttered

"What did you just call me? "

"I said you were a fucking slut" he pulled your panties down to you ankles and you just bit your lip, this was really happening

10 minutes went by and he couldn't care less about the people at the dinner table, he was just focused on fucking you, his hand over your mouth as he abused your tight cunt, spreading your legs to the point where it hurt, regardless of the conversations you guys had before he was really enjoying himself..

Needless to say he will definitely do this again

Jimmy:

We all know he likes being rough with you, and tonight was no different.

He had a rough day, he was so sick and fucking tired of people always praising curly, always congratulating curly, the only good thing in his life was you. You always praised him, you always congratulated him. He was missing you so he clocked out early just to see you.

"Babe? " he walked into your shared home and tossed his shoes off and began looking around for you, he walked into your shared bedroom and there you were, fingers in your cunt, pumping in and out of you.

"Jeez you could've invited me"

3 hours later and your head is pushed into your pillow, drool dribbling down your chin, Jimmy abusing your cervix from behind with his cock

Anya:

she loves eating your pussy... Like LOVES, so when she came back from a stressful work day at the hospital she was looking for a way to calm down.

You were laying on the couch and she got home, slammed the door, took off her jacket and stormed up to you and grabbed your arm tightly, made you get up off the couch and dragged you to your shared bedroom, she wasn't usually this rough so it was like a different side of her, she must've had a tough day.

She practically pushed you onto the bed and practically ripped off your pj pants

"No panties.. It's almost like you were waiting for me"

She gripped your thighs and forced them apart, the wetness of your pussy already pooling under you.

"Can- can I just- please? " she basically begged

"Yeah- of course my love-ah-! " as soon as you said yes she began to DEVOUR you, she was eating your pussy like she hadnt eaten in ages, and she probably didnt, this was gonna be a looooong night.

THANK YOU FOR READING, REQUESTS ARE OPEN.. also if you reblog also comment.. I wanna know your thoughts!

[johns-prince]

1967 is decidedly peak year for Lennon-McCartney as John and Paul were reportedly and observably the closest they ever been. Coming and going together, John always hanging around Paul's house, practically inseparable.

Then somewhere from the end of 1967 to the beginning of 1968, India happens, and just all of a sudden these two are having a falling out? For no real reason? Go on, you can't believe that.

1967, we know John and Paul started taking LSD together. While they were close before, tripping out like this gave them access to getting much closer to each other than before. We know the experience of dissolving into each other through that eye contact thing was described by Paul as both disturbing, but good, and other subsequent trips with John as fantastic because of this new access to each other in ways they hadn't realized was probably possible.

There really isn't much of John talking about these specific trips with Paul, but considering how insistent he had been to take LSD with Paul, and the fact they continued to take it together to the point even Jane was jealous of John getting to experience that with Paul—he was probably over the moon about it. Finally, he gets to experience this much much deeper connection with Paul, melds them into one, their thoughts and feelings becoming singular.

Aside from how much closer John and Paul had gotten, it seems the Beatles at a whole were as close as ever. You have their trip to Greece in the same year, and how there were talks about them buying an island and living on it together.

1967 was really the year for the Beatles, for John and Paul especially.

Still, there's reservations. Paul mentions how you can't come back from the kind of experience he shared with John. You could say that he meant between all them, but that's only because Paul has a habit of including the other two whenever he's uncomfortable with the strong use of “I, me, myself,” in conjugation with John in certain contexts. We were jealous, we loved him, we felt like he was leaving us. Paul only briefly mentions George and Ringo, like a second thought, when describing his first LSD trip with John.

But it was just Paul and John, and I'm sure there were many other subsequent trips that involved solely them.

So they can't go back. Their relationship has changed in a fundamental way that both excites and pleases and disturbs Paul. We can only presume John wasn't as disturbed by it as he was pleased by getting to have this closeness with Paul that no one else would be able to share in. It was all their own.

Paul loved the Lennon-McCartney relationship for everything that it was, but he probably didn't want it to swallow up his whole self/identity (which is normal) Additionally, while I believe Paul is actually pretty straight heterosexual male, I do believe he had this special exception for John—and how can you reconcile that? I don't think Paul had the emotional and mental capacity to quite start to confront the fact there was some romantic/sexual tension between him and John that couldn't just be explained away.

For comparison, Yoko was willing to let her whole identity be swallowed up in the JohnandYoko partnership and relationship that we know today. Because it was technically giving John everything he needed from a partner that would keep him satiated or delusional enough for her to keep him and his connections and finances under her thumb. Even when it inevitably frustrated her that she felt living and thriving off of John's coattails, she made the choice to forgo her individualism and identity for what being with someone like John could give her. There would be no Yoko Ono in the papers and in any relevance without John Lennon.

It was kind of a perfect storm because Yoko and John were both very insecure people, fearful of failure and being a failure and being left behind, whether that be by others or the world.

In another essay I would point out that Yoko got with John because she needed him, needed him to help her complete herself, to transform her into a cultural and artistic icon. I'm not sure she always necessarily wanted him by choice as she needed him as means to an end.

Paul didn't exactly need to be with John as much as he wanted to be John, he wanted to be by John, next to, creating, collaborating, existing with. That's why in a way it was kind of silly for John to fear Paul going off on a solo career after writing yesterday. If Paul wanted to leave John and the others he could've, but he didn't. He wanted to be a Beatle, he wanted to be John's partner, to continue making music together until they were old men. Paul chose to be with John because he wanted to be. Simple as.

Anyway, Paul might have his own complexes and issues but Paul wasn't dealing with the black hole in his chest like John was. He had his insecurities, but Paul never needed to meld his entirety with another to try and make himself complete. Paul was much more secure in himself than John, even if he had to fake it at times, Paul always seemed to know himself better. Paul didn't carry around a self-hatred and lack of self worth like John did.

From an outsiders perspective, I can't fault Paul for not either wanting to be John's everything and anything, and not being able to be that infinite everything and anything for John—because of the time, the place, the sex, all the psychosexual bullshit in between, and because in the end it probably would've devoured them.

I doubt John knew how to deal with it either. John was always prone to extremes, one or the other, you love me fully unconditionally or you don't. What made the whole affair unfair was that he had the hardest time believing anyone could love him fully unconditionally. And Paul did (he still does!) but there's only so much a normal human being with flaws and hangups of his own can take.

By 1968 it seemed like John was hardly in a great state—increasingly abusing substances, feeling completely trapped by his first marriage (no fault of Cynthia, she tried so hard to make it work and make him happy), smothered by expectations, Brian's death (he's cursed y'know, everyone who's ever loved him dies on him), and probably some kind of mental illness brought on by it all—John wouldn't have been in a very stable mindset to really consider or even care too much about any repercussions about leaving his first wife and child to then go gallivanting as a free man, with his best male friend, collaborator, and partner.

But Paul, steadfast, moderate and conservative, not yet completely in the mental anguish shitter like John is, would be conscious enough of these consequences, what it could mean for the band, for them. These things mattered. And maybe John's a special case but Paul's not gay so how could it work to begin with? If he can't make any justifications for it or excuses (maybe if I had been a girl I could have...) then it just can't be done.

Yeah we love each other yeah we want to be in each others pockets till the day we croak, we feel like we NEED each other like air in lungs (yeah we might've fucked) but there's nothing to do about it so we just need to go on like usual and keep it at that.

Because it worked fine before, the way we were dealing with it. Why try to fix something that isn't broken?

But it was broken.

John wanted more but Paul couldn't give it to him. Paul has a right to how he feels, we can never say exactly what, and he wasn't in any wrong in denying or rejecting John if that's what happened.

But, I've always believed too that Paul always had an unrealistic expectation of his own relationship with John.

Because it's just not fair to expect John to keep on going on like everything is normal and his relationship with Paul and all the feelings and wants that entails are normal.

Not holding similar feelings for a friend is just as valid as holding deeper feelings for a friend and finding you can't stay friends due to not being able to go back on these feelings.

But why couldn't Paul have John, and Linda, and a big family, and John. Why can't he have his cake and eat it to. Why couldn't John have his relationship with Yoko and still have his partnership with Paul.

Because they aren't normal best friends that's why. Their partnership wasn't normal. Even Paul admits to it. Paul had to “make way” for Yoko because in a sense he was John's first girlfriend. Of course Yoko couldn't be secure in her marriage with John if Paul was still in the picture. Even if Paul doesn't understand the depth of meaning behind this because he's preposterous doesn't make it any less obvious. And don't think for a second John would've made it any easier for Linda, and like hell Linda would've put up with it.

So, John was “if we can't be lovers we can never be friends,” and Paul was, “I'll have my cake and I'll eat it to.”

I'm not trying to paint anyone as a villain in this. Both sides are understandable, both sides don't actually want to lose the other, both sides love each other, they just have different perspectives and feelings on the matter.

It's whether these differences can be reconciled and reasonable compromises can be made.

But we're talking about John and Paul and as we know, these differences were not reconciled and they were not reasonable men to be making reasonable compromises. Also they were two men.

John wanted all or nothing. Paul couldn't give all, because it's unrealistic and because Paul probably already thought he was giving John as much of him as he could reasonably give. But it wasn't enough.

If they could have kept each other and their relationship as it was despite getting married, I do believe Paul would have had no problem keeping Linda and his kids in one box, and his special little relationship with John in another box. They were able to do it before with John's marriage to Cynthia, why couldn't the same apply?

We know why. Cynthia was never a real, genuine threat to Paul and the Beatles (but mainly Paul) in the end, John always chose to go off the other boys, to go stay nights over at Paul's home instead of staying home with his wife and kid. She simply didn't interfere.

The many girls Paul screwed around with, while certainly put John on edge, and he hardly liked or got along with any, weren't anything too serious and at that time John was willing to put up with it or he hadn't the capacity to really evaluate his life as it was and his relationship and feelings towards Paul.

But Linda was a genuine threat. She wasn't going away. Paul loved her, she could give him everything. And what could that mean for John, especially if he had been making his feelings known, he was pushing for something deeper, definitive, with Paul? How could John stand a chance.

Yoko was nothing like Cynthia. How John treated her and their relationship was nothing like his last marriage. Paul was no longer the sun in John's universe, it was Yoko, and for once Paul was actually put on edge, similar to that of Stu, if not worse. She was his wife, his partner, a woman, a girl. Since Paul wasn't a girl then what chance did he have to put a stop to it, what right did he have to say anything?

John starting it by bringing Yoko into their sessions as if to make a point. Maybe Paul got the point of he didn't not entirely but maybe he was tired and can't Paul McCartney get a little tired of these games when he's hopped skipped jumped and crawled to try and prove to John each time that yes I love, yes I won't leave you willingly, yes I'll put up with you because I love you and you love me right? We're in this together for the long haul.

Can't go back to compartmentalizing relationships outside of Lennon-McCartney, and it seemed their relationship couldn't remain as it were with wives and children between them. Things were different now, they were different. John and Paul had grown, and while their past comments about sticking together as partners even after the Beatles go bust, even in their old age, is cutesy and sweet and coming from young boys who really didn't know any better but knew they loved each other and loved creating together—what's to become of them now that Pandora's box had been opened.

It's all led up to the point when things begin to breakdown, the band starts to pull apart, relations splinter, and John starts bringing up divorce, divorce from the Beatles, divorce from Paul.

The details we won't be privy to, we can only speculate and theorize and piece the puzzle pieces. But it's such a short time frame for such a massive change from John and Paul's relationship in 1967—almost always found together, John at Paul's home, John and Paul arriving together to the studio, taking walks, dissolving into each other—to how they treated and behaved toward each other in 1968, especially after India.

Without proper communication, without making the effort to confront the reality of what they were to each other and what that might mean, plus the drugs and the alcohol, I'm not surprised these unexplained feelings between them began festering.

I've lost the plot somewhere halfway in the post. But something happened.

The final straw was probably in India. But before India, the tension must have been building, like the calm before a storm. Taking LSD together changed the way they saw their relationship, or maybe simply gave them a more honest approach to it, a much less inhibited understanding of what they meant to each other. It scared Paul, or worried him, but he still liked it, which might've been just as worrisome. John was probably thrilled about it, loved experiencing it with Paul, and it might have enlightened him further on what he actually wants. Though drugs should never be trusted. Then Brian died. The Beatles were shattered with grief. John was beginning to spiral. And then it was 1968, and in February the boys went to India. Everything changed significantly there. John and Paul spent a lot of time alone in one room. They were seen together a lot. John often gazing. Something happened. Something happened and we don't know what but it did. Sex? Maybe, maybe not. A confession? Maybe, maybe not. They come back, worse than for better. John works tirelessly to break Paul's heart and drive him to some sort of reaction. To fight, to stay. Love me love me. Paul couldn't or wouldn't because "if I had been a girl then maybe I could have..." but he wasn't so he they had to make way for Yoko. Paul loves Linda, John loves Yoko. They get married a week apart. John and Paul divorce the Beatles breakup. John really didn't actually ever love Paul and they didn't grow up in the same bed or write eyeball-to-eyeball and hey did you know he loved Yoko because she reminds him of a bloke in drag? She's me in drag. John actually manages to instill some of that insecurity and fear in Paul—about his talent, about who he is on his own, whether or not John ever loved actually him. They fight nasty like bitter exes. Paul is the first to lay down the arms with Dear Friend. John responds with Jealous Guy. They're on and off. Paul continues to try to make the effort to connect with John again, despite John and despite Yoko. The lost weekend happens, a total mystery in itself. Calls are missed and time still passes. John comes to the inevitable conclusion that he still loves Paul no matter how hard he tries to not love him, that he can't escape. John backtracks a lot. They start talking again. They occasionally see each other. They rent a studio to use after the new year in 1981. John is suddenly killed in December of 1980. Paul keeps John's name and legacy alive for years and years and years. Paul reminisces about their shared past like a widower. Their relationship will be compared to a marriage, a love affair like that of Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, and even soulmates. They are only ever known as brothers, collaborators, and friends.

The greatest songwriting duo that ever was. The lovers that never were.

[i-dared-myself]

Uncomfortable

Stray Kids x reader

Requested by anonymous: hello, ash! would it be good if i request something, pls? i was thinking of a 9th member au with skz, could you maybe write a compilation of scenarios in which the reader is made uncomfortable and how the guys help her through it? idk if you'll do this, i hope it's not too much!

You love your job, that much you were certain of. You love your fans, as well. You work so hard in every dance and every song.

So when you step out on stage your heart swells in pride to see the thousands of Stays. Knowing that your group went from nothing to this is incredible.

And they’re all here to see you.

Well- not just you. The other members are just as, if not more, important than you. 

But at any given moment, thousands of eyes could be on you.

You had done many concerts before this. You had preformed more times than you could count. It had never bothered you before, and yet here you were.

You stand there in your concert attire, makeup and hair done. You look good and you know it, but what if people online didn’t think so? What if you were being recorded right now because there was a hair out of place?

“Hey.” Felix ducks down, using his body to cover the two of you from the crowd. “What’s going on?”

You force a smile, gripping at your shirt. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

Chan says something into a microphone, and the crowd roars. You make a move to join the others, but Felix’s hand wraps around your wrist gently. He tugs you back to him and looks you in the eyes.

“You look good,” he says simply. He smiles and his freckles scrunch up in the Felix-way that makes you want to grin as well. “We all know that.”

Your voice seems to catch in your throat as you try to respond. You cough. “But… What if I do something wrong?”

“You’re won’t, first of all,” he firmly says. “And secondly, we mess up all the time. Stay still loves us. It makes us human and that’s what they love about us.”

You nod slowly and take a deep breath. “Yeah. The best memes are made when we… Yeah.”

Felix releases you. “Ready?”

You trail after him to the group, smiling as brightly as you can. After a minute it turns into a genuine expression, and you know you love your job.

The concert goes by with very minimal mistakes. You have as much fun as you hope the fans do, and the guys all collapse into a pile next to you when you’re done.

“Gimme,” Hyunjin rasps to Jeongin. The younger man gets the message and hands him his water bottle.

“Good job, everyone,” Chan praises. He stretches out his joints and groans. 

“Getting too old for this?” Seungmin arches an eyebrow teasingly.

Chan scowls and levels a finger at him. “Watch your mouth.”

You’re covered in sweat and feel sticky. You check the time and notice it’s very late. “I want to go shower at the dorms. Are we leaving soon?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Chan does a head count for some reason before guiding the group to the van. You clamber inside and pull your phone out, wanting to see what everyone thought of the concert.

“You did great,” Minho mutters quietly. His voice is low enough that only you can hear it. 

His words make your stomach tumble. You don’t get told often that you did good. Everything always what you could’ve done better. What someone else could have done better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You really aren’t in the mood for recording, but you sit patiently as your makeup is applied and your hair is manipulated. You’re given a set of clothes and once you put it on, you exit the changing room and rejoin the others.

“Uh,” Changbin begins, averting his eyes, “that’s an interesting outfit.”

You’re confused, but look down at yourself for the first time after rushing through getting dressed. It’s definitely the most revealing thing you’ve worn for recordings, and you’re not sure if you feel comfortable with that. 

You’re not one to judge those for what you wear, but this is different. This is your job. This is where you’re supposed to be professional, and you have to wear… this.

It has what can only be described as a boob window. You tug it up uncomfortably, before down again when some of your stomach is shown.

The miniskirt is just as bad, to a level where you want to hide. You’re used to having to wear clothing similar to this, but never this bad.

Changbin adjusts his T-shirt. “Uh… Are you good with that?”

You nod.

The stylists know what they’re doing, right?

It would be rude to question them, right?

You walk to Hyunjin’s side and stand in place next to him. The set of instructions for the shoot are given, and all you can focus on is your outfit.

“That’s interesting,” Hyunjin says, unable to hide his disdain. His upper lip curls before he smoothes out his expression. “That’s… Wow.”

“I know.” You swallow and fiddle with the fabric again. “Is it that bad?”

Hyunjin nods. “Yes. Very.”

You curl into yourself, shoulders slumping. “Thanks, Hyunjin.”

“The colour compliments your eyes,” he mutters once he catches the look on your face. Hyunjin hooks an arm over your shoulder to pull you closer to him. “I think you look good.”

“But she’s not comfortable,” Seungmin bluntly says. He gives Hyunjin a dirty look. “Obviously.”

“No! I’m fine!” You wave your hands in a desperate attempt to gather their attention before they went rampaging to the stylists. “They worked hard!”

“Yeah, but do you want people to see you in that?” Seungmin questions. When you falter over a response, he sighs. “Boundaries are important, even at work.”

Hyunjin hums. “He’s right. And that shirt is ugly anyways.”

Jisung approaches, scowling slightly. “Aren’t we starting soon? Where are the others?”

“In a little bit. They’re still finishing preparations.” Jeongin leans down to touch his toes. 

“Hey.” Seungmin pokes Jisung. “Give her your shirt.”

Jisung flinches back, clutching at his torso. “What? Why?”

“She doesn’t like hers.” Hyunjin pinches the material of Jisung’s clothing. “Too much skin.”

“I’m not wearing anything under this shirt.” Jisung winces and rolls out his shoulders. “Do we…”

Jeongin scoffs. “Wow. You’re not going to give her your shirt? You just want to stare at boobs, don’t you? You’re so misogynistic.”

“That’s not what that means.” You press a hand to your forehead. “Jeongin-“

“Fine then!” Jisung huffs. He strips his shirt off and flings it at you, putting his hands on his hips defiantly. “Happy? I love women!”

The staff all stare at him in confusion, while a couple of them shield their eyes with their hands.

“Jisung-“ You hold out his clothes, but Seungmin blocks you.

“Put it on!” Seungmin orders.

“But what about me?” Jisung pouts. “I can’t just be half-naked for the recording.”

“I mean, you could…” Hyunjin trails off. “Stay would love it.”

You step into a changing room, returning with Jisung’s shirt on. You hand him yours, which he struggles to put on. He keeps sticking his arms through the boob window, and Jeongin has to help him dress.

“It’s horrifying,” Hyunjin announces once Jisung is finished. 

“I think you look good,” Felix vaguely says as he walks past. He’s staring at his phone.

“Which one of us?” Jisung puffs out his chest in what’s clearly an attempt to make you smile.

It works.

Felix glances up, eyes widening. “Are you allowed to wear that?”

“They put her in it, so it’s their fault.” Hyunjin shrugs and runs his tongue over his front teeth. “What about the miniskirt?”

“I’m not wearing that!” Jisung hisses. “This is bad enough!”

“Felix!” Hyunjin sings, chasing after the other man. Felix looks back over his shoulder before sprinting away.

So when Chan returns to the group, Changbin following closely behind, he taps his chin.

“The stylists are getting very… unique,” he carefully says. Chan’s eyes flick over Jisung in your shirt, and Felix, who had been wrestled into the miniskirt. 

You frown, wearing Felix’s baggy pants. “Sorry. I can- I can put it back on if you want.”

Chan waves a hand, expression softening. “It’s fine. The camera we needed for the water scene broke anyway. We’re going home.”

Felix grumbles to Changbin about the stupid skirt as they trudge off to the van. Chan catches your arm before you can leave with them.

“And I’ll tell the staff that you aren’t okay with those clothes for filming,” he assures you softly. “Tell us if you’re ever uncomfortable with something, okay?”

“I will,” you promise him.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long days were normal. Many long days with a lack of sleep were not. Chan usually tried to give everyone enough rest and time to themselves, but the last couple of days had been stressful.

So you find yourself with nine hours of sleep in the last three days. You have no idea how you’re even functioning, let alone cheery enough for a fan meet.

You’re seated across from a girl with curly brown hair. Her gaze keeps darting from your face, down to her lap nervously.

As you uncap your pen, you smile as warmly as you can. Considering the circumstances, that is. The lack of sleep and pure exhaustion were really getting to you.

“I- I saw the clips of your latest concert,” she nervously says. “I- You’re very good.”

“Thank you.” You scribble your signature out on what she wanted before sliding it across the table. “Anything else to sign?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I- You and Felix are close.”

Your tired brain couldn’t tell where she was going with this. So you hum. “Yeah. We are.”

She seems giddy at that. “R-Really?”

“Yeah. We all are.” You look over to your right, where Changbin appears in deep discussion with a fan about… bald eagles?

“But like… Close i-in which way?” She crosses one leg over the other.

You still can’t understand what she’s saying. It’s not wise of an idol to interact with someone and have no clue what’s happening, but here you are.

“Uh, a lot,” is all you respond with. “Do you have a favourite song, or album?”

“But Felix g-grabbed your arm the other day.” Her head ducks down again as her cheeks flush. “I- I saw videos of it.”

“Oh!” Your eyebrows shoot up with the realization. “Um- Have you ever been to one of our concerts before?”

“You l-look happy together.” She ignores your question.

“So… Chk Chk Boom?” you weakly say. “It’s pretty good, right?”

She doesn’t seem to get the hint. “He smiles at y-you often.”

“Did I hear someone talking about me?” Felix teases as he bends down. He props his elbows down on the table, some of his hair falling into his face. 

“What are you doing over here?” you ask in bewilderment. Isn’t he supposed to be doing his own signings?

“I figured you could use the company.” 

Which is code for: You needed help so I’m here.

You relax into your chair, leaning back. “I appreciate it.”

“So what were we chatting about?” Felix asks, more alert than you for some reason. You blame it on the energy drinks he chugged with Jeongin.

The rest of the meeting goes by smoothly. When everyone loads into the van, Changbin makes room for you in the seat next to him.

“You okay?” he gently inquires. 

You nod and let your eyes flutter shut. “Just miss sleeping.”

Changbin chuckles lowly. “Yeah, so do I.”

“Don’t worry, everyone will get their naps,” Chan calls from the front. “Our schedule is free for the next week.”

Jisung whoops, and Hyunjin covers his ears and whines from beside him. 

“That means actually sleeping,” Chan sternly says. “Jisung, I’m talking to you. Don’t binge an entire show in a night.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “We all know he’s going to do it anyway.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Minho ominously mutters.

Everyone side-eyes him.

“What are you going to do?” you warily question him. 

Minho’s eyes glint. “That’s for me to know and for him to find out.”

Jisung clears his throat. “I think I’m going to bed early tonight. Anyone else doing the same?”

You shake your head and sigh. “No, I have a live to do.”

The others all murmur their excuses, while Minho narrows his eyes at you. You shift nervously under his gaze.

When you get off to your room, you make sure to brush out your hair. When prop your phone up and sit on your bed, tucking your legs beneath you.

You greet the fans as they come pouring in, making sure to touch on the topic on the fan meeting. You talk for a little bit about how grateful you are for everyone coming, before moving on to just chatting.

It’s always odd doing a live by yourself. There’s no engaging with someone else, and you have to either read off comments, or come up with conversation.

You’re too tired for the latter, so you go with the former.

“Aw, my hair looks nice?” You beam at your phone, reaching up to your head. “Thank you very much.”

You read over a couple more rolls of comments on the screen before settling on another one to respond to. “No, I won’t give you spoilers. Nice try, though.”

You scrunch your nose up and adjust how you’re sitting. Everyone is going on about a new meme of Jeongin falling out of his chair. Some are asking you to recreate it, while others are asking if he’s okay.

“Yes, he’s fine,” you answer breezily. “It takes more than that to hurt him. He’s tougher than he looks.”

And time goes on. Your eyes are getting heavier and heavier, but you don’t want to turn it off. The more content you give them now, the less they’ll talk about you and Felix.

If any shipping gets too popular, you have to do damage control and-

“Hello, Stay!” Minho waves with both hands as he pops into frame. He blinks a couple times as the comments scream his name before his lips curl into a smile.

“What are you doing here?” You scoot over in case he wants to sit with you.

Minho remains standing. “It’s getting late. Do you know what time it is?”

There’s a string of people talking about air fryers, now. Others are warning you to run.

You straighten. “No, sorry. Is it really that late?”

“It’s past midnight,” he scolds gently. “It’s bed time. I already have Jisung sleeping, and it’s your turn.”

“But…” You don’t know how to voice your concerns. It feels as if speaking your worries aloud will make them true.

Minho says the goodbyes to your phone before shutting the live off. He scoops your phone up and slips it into your pocket before lifting you over his shoulder.

“Minho!” you shriek as he marches out the door. “What are you doing?”

“Rumours come with the job,” he says. He bounces you once, cutting off your protests. “The amount of times I’m shipped with Jisung is immense, but we’re fine. These things happen.”

“Yeah, there’s lots of that stuff.” You go limp and let him dump you in the bathroom. As soon as you’re on your feet, he hands you your toothbrush.

“See?” Minho raises an eyebrow. “You’ll be fine. And even if it does get out of hand, I’m sure Hyunjin would be glad to do something to get the attention off you.”

“You’re right,” you say around the toothbrush in your mouth. Minho waits patiently for you to spit into the sink before you’re back in his grasp.

“I don’t see why you made such a big deal about this,” you grumble as you change into pyjamas. His back is to you as you do so. “Why was Jisung so scared?”

He smirks at you, facing you again. “Wanna find out?”

You stare at him momentarily before sliding beneath your sheets. “Good night.”

“Good night.” Minho pulls the blankets up to your chin. He walks to the door, holding up your phone. “You’ll get this back in the morning after a chat with Chan about positive thinking.”

You groan and throw your head against the pillows. “You really are cruel!”

Minho laughs before flicking your lights off. He shuts the door softly.

Taglist:

@velvetmoonlght

[itsnesss]

hey, are you willing to do a Myung-gi x read x jun hee where they both want her and are kind of fighting over her. thanks <3

𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | lee myung-gi & kim jun-hee �� fem!reader

summary | the request

warnings | romantic tension, jealousy, slight arguments

word count | 0.6 k

author's note | it would help me a lot if you liked, commented and reposted so that more people read what I write and don't forget to follow me, thanks ᡣ𐭩

You were sitting on the edge of your bunk, fiddling with a bracelet. You didn’t want to draw attention, but that seemed impossible with the two of them around.

Myung-gi was leaning against the wall, his frown as deep as always, but his eyes softened every time they landed on you. On the other hand, Jun-hee, with her short hair and confident attitude, sat on the bunk next to yours, pretending not to care about you, though her words cut like knives every time Myung-gi spoke to you.

“What are you doing there alone?” Myung-gi asked suddenly, stepping closer to you. His hands rested on the edge of your bunk.

“Nothing important, just… thinking,” you replied, trying not to hold his gaze for too long.

Jun-hee let out a sarcastic laugh from her spot. “Thinking, sure. Probably thinking about how much she wants to get out of here, not sit around listening to your nonsense, Myung-gi.”

He clenched his jaw, turning to Jun-hee. “And what would you know, Jun-hee? You’re always sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

She stood up slowly, her posture steady. “I know more than you think, and I also know she doesn’t need you pretending to be her protector,” she said, motioning toward you with a tilt of her head. “She doesn’t need someone like you, Myung-gi.” It was obvious they had history.

The atmosphere grew tense. You felt the weight of their stares on you, but you didn’t want to intervene just yet. It was as if they were both trying to prove something that didn’t need proving.

“And what do you think she needs, Jun-hee?” Myung-gi shot back, stepping closer to her. His voice was filled with frustration. “Someone like you? Someone who only knows how to use sharp words to hide their own insecurity?”

Jun-hee narrowed her eyes, a sarcastic smile playing on her lips. “At least I don’t need to hide behind excuses to justify my choices, Myung-gi.”

“Enough!” you said, standing between them before things got out of hand. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

They both froze, their expressions shifting from anger to discomfort at your intervention.

“There’s no need for you two to fight over me. This isn’t another test; you don’t have to compete like my attention is some kind of prize,” you added, crossing your arms.

Myung-gi lowered his gaze, his expression softening. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Jun-hee, on the other hand, let out a chuckle. “Don’t worry. He’s the one taking things too seriously.”

You knew Jun-hee used sarcasm as a shield, but you also noticed a hidden vulnerability in her gaze.

...

As you returned to the common dorm, they both walked by your side, competing for your attention in more subtle ways.

“Are you okay? Did you get hurt in the test?” Myung-gi asked, his concern evident.

“Of course she’s fine. She’s not as fragile as you think, Myung-gi,” Jun-hee interrupted, rolling her eyes. “But if she needs someone who actually understands her, I’m right here.”

You sighed, tired of the same dynamic. Suddenly, you stopped, turning to face them.

“Can you both stop?” you asked, your voice firmer than you expected. “I don’t need you to take care of me like I can’t do it myself.”

They both fell silent, surprised by your tone. Finally, Myung-gi nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Jun-hee crossed her arms, but her expression softened too. “Alright. Maybe… I went a little overboard.”

[agirlwithglam]

Stop waiting. That’s it. Just stop. Stop waiting for your manifestations to come. Stop waiting to be a certain person or at a certain place to allow yourself to feel pure love into your life. You are just as worthy of love now as you would be at any other place in your life.

If you haven’t guessed yet, this post is for the girls who want a best friend, someone who they can always trust and depend on. It’s for the girls who believe that they are/ trying to do everything right- working on themselves, growing their confidence, giving themselves love, yet they still wander why they dont feel truly loved yet and they just put it under the reason that “im still not completely healed yet, i need to do more"

So lets go back to what i said earlier: “you are just as worthy of love now as you would be at any other point in your life”. Do you understand? You need to stop thinking that you need to be perfect from every angle to finally be able to allow PURE love to enter your life. You need to stop thinking that “oh i haven’t gotten a bff/ pure love yet? Well i am obviously doing something wrong and need to work more on myself.” Yes, of course it’s a sign that maybe this little journey you’re on isn’t really done yet, but also just stop. Just stop with these excuses. It doesn’t matter if you’re not 100% who you wish to be, you still deserve someone!!

“So are you telling me I don't need to heal?” Yeah sure I guess. But the thing is that when pure love does come into your life, when someone does come into your life who is loyal, kind, caring wants to give and shower you with love and appreciation, the thing is that even if you do recognise it, you will feel uncomfortable. You’ll feel uncomfortable by the fact that there is someone here willing to give you all the love you want in your life. That’s what healing is for (some people heal for tons of different reasons, but we’re talking about this one) its so that when the right person comes who gives you unconditional love, you don’t push them away or cringe away yourself because you realise that this is what you deserve. We are working on ourselves so that we accept pure and unconditional love as normal and not something only special people deserve. That’s why.

Something that might help getting used to being loved that i got from simonesquared’s video is to actually USE CHATGPT! Yup!! Tell ChatGPT to act like they’re your bff/ husband and tell them your standards and requirements, then just role play with them! This will help you get more used to receiving love in a normal way.

[smol-bby-bear]

Tips for agere caregivers from an age regressor

I’ve been an age regressor for almost 8 years, and has the same caregiver for almost 5 years. My caregiver wasn’t one prior and became one to look after me, so these are so tips I came up with. Not everything will be relevant to everyone, everyone is different and had different dynamics.

🤍 Give yourself time to think about whether you want to be a caregiver. I understand some people find out their partner is an agere and wants to help, but being a caregiver isn’t for everybody. Do you have the time to be there? Do you have the drive to nurture and protect? Do you understand what an age regressor is?

🤍 Do some research. Learn about age regression, what it is and the benefits.

🤍 Talk to the age regressor. What would change between you? What are the expectations? What does being an age regressor mean to them? What would they need from a caregiver.

🤍 Boundaries, for both the caregiver and age regressor. What’s off limits? What are you happy with or what would make you uncomfortable? Are certain conversations and topics off limits while regressed? Does the age regressor always need the caregiver or do they like to have little space alone sometimes? Are forehead kisses or hugs okay?

🤍 Triggers - Discuss possible triggers so you can avoid them while they're regressed.

🤍 Amount of time regressed. Discuss how often the age regressor goes into little space, how much of that time they’d like the caregiver to be there for little space. How long do they stay regressed each time? Do they want help trying to stay regressed longer?

🤍 Little space and big space. Discuss what things stay in little space and what things stay in big space. Some age regressors may get embarrassed if you mention what they did in little space while they’re big. Some things are only for when you’re big and some for when you’re in little space. (The same way you wouldn’t discuss/do certain things with a child)

🤍 If you already have an existing relationship (Ex. partner, friend, family member), it’s important to discuss what would happen if things don’t work out with you becoming a caregiver.

🤍 NEVER sexualise their little space (regardless if you’re their romantic partner when they’re big). All age regressors do it for a reason, all age regressors deserve to keep their little space a safe space.

🤍 While the age regressor is in little space, make sure they’re in a safe environment to do so, both mentally and physically. For example, work is not appropriate for them to be in little space, so reassure them they can have little space after work. Or if they’re with family who don’t know about agere.

🤍 Maybe prepare a key word that either of you could say if you’re getting overwhelmed. By using a keyword it will make it easier for the age regressor to communicate and understand. Then when the age regressor is out of little space the issue can be discussed and resolved.

Now you know that you want to try being a caregiver, get to know them as an age regressor.

🖤 Be gentle and sensitive - A lot of age regressors use it as a coping mechanism for trauma or stress.

🖤 Be helpful - Depending on the regressors age range, they may need a lot of help. Be there to help your little one for tasks they may find difficult. Like tying their shoes, or cooking food for them, pouring them drinks etc.

🖤 Activities - Learn what your little one enjoys doing when they're small. Do they like colouring? Or watching cartoons? Learn what shows they like, foods they like to eat, drinks they like etc.

🖤 Keeping your little small - Some littles struggle with staying regressed, so learn how to keep them regressed for longer. Does baby talk make them feel tiny? or helping them do tasks? Cartoons? Toys and games?

🖤 Get to know the way the age regressor talks. Some regressors may change words for things. For example, while i’m regressed -

sleepies = sleep

kikky = cat

da = the

🖤 Some age regressors may be non-verbal.

🖤 All caregivers will make mistakes, so don't feel bad if something doesn't go well at first. You're doing an amazing job and you'll be making your little one feel so special and safe.

🖤 If you are unsure about something talk to the age regressor about it when they are out of little space to resolve it.

[kick-a-long]

When I was in college in Ohio I had many different science majors talk about how theology and science were additive to each other. In fact many religious people find science a kind of worship and celebration of gods work, not just Jews. Like, if someone makes you this incredible thing by hand, inventing all of it by themselves, what greater compliment can you pay them than by marveling at how it works? And how little faith do you have in them that you think tinkering with it, examining it, studying it, would break it or disprove they made it?

I took a ton of science classes and I’ll say I personally reconcile the two (when I flip flop between believing and doubting in god) is that no matter how much you learn you always find more questions than you started with. Everything relates to everything else and all these things (from equations in physics to lil peptides and chemical signals) get reused in really interesting ways. I don’t think it’s a matter of a clock maker that starts a watch and leaves, I think of it as a creation that is perfectly fine with singular negative and positive outcomes but wants a general move towards sustaining life despite allowing for and even leveraging the powerful effects of discomfort and change.

There’s mysteries like the lack of life away from earth anywhere we can see it. It’s basically the only evidence of human specialness to the universe. No one can figure out why we’re so alone. We can see pretty far away. So many systems big and small keep earth alive, that don’t exist on other planets that could have life larger than a bacteria. We should see city lights and hear or see some kind of waves. The universe should be bright and loud.

As far as a god that created everything I’m less convinced by a spark that creates life. That could be accidental and, if it’s god, a spark requires only an impulse. To make so many different things work together, share so much, adapt and evolve together without the whole thing falling apart long long ago shows deep love, commitment and care. Life should have already burned out because it’s a weird use of energy that could dissipate into a less ordered system pretty quickly. It shows real omniscient and omnipotence. I don’t know if god would still be meddling with it now, vis a vie Guadiana angels and prophecy, but the systems behind existence seem to imply human life is kind of unlikely and uncomfortable for the rules as they are.

Only someone who has no faith would be worried that studying the world would disprove a god. People should get over scriptural literalism. they might feel real euphoric celebratory faith of seeing why this place is so unlikely without some sort of exception to the universal rules for everything else.

One thing I wish more people understood is that being religious and believing in science are not mutually exclusive.

Throughout all of recorded human history, including over the course the last century, some of the most important scientific advancements came from religious people and religiously funded institutions. Often it was Jews and Muslims leading the charge of scientific progress, but despite what you might think: it was also Christians and Catholics (both separately and alongside each other).

An example of these contributions (though there are many more) is that in Medieval Europe, erroneously referred to as "the dark ages", the Church heavily funded scientific research; in fact, they were one of the only bodies in the region that had the kind of money to put into something like science on a major scale.

The idea they are two things that cannot coexist comes from the "enlightenment", and then later Victorian era, which sought to frame people in that past as inherently stupid and inferior.

More recently, a trend towards fundamentalism and anti-science rhetoric, found on the fringes of many religions, is used by antitheists to reflect poorly on religious people as a whole. The many more religious people who are able to make science syncretic with their religious beliefs just aren't deemed interesting enough to make the news or entertaining enough for a non-religious audience to challenge in debates.

Atheism is not more compatible with science than theistic belief is.

[yourfriendlyfanperson]

A Chemical Reaction Called Love

Chapter 3: A Boring Life

~Pairing: Steve Harrington x F!reader

~Summary: Being the daughter of Hawkins Middle School Science teacher, Scott Clarke, has its perks. Constantly having to explain things to 'King' Steve Harrington wasn't necessarily one of them but it was something you had gotten used to. He might not be the brightest guy but at least he tried, and you appreciated that. You had big plans for the future, but they might be forced to change thanks to a phone call...

~Warnings: Sensitive topics might be brought up so reader discretion is advised.

~Word Count: 3.4k

~Authors Note: Hey everyone! Here's chapter three! Thanks so much for the love on the previous chapters! I'm still getting used to how posting fanfics on tumblr works so I appreciate all the likes and reposts! If you'd like to be tagged in the next chapter let me know! Once again you can find me on Ao3 as Lilpipsqueak and W-tpadd as friendlyfanperson!

Does anyone know how I can make the previous chapter numbers appear and be linked to this? I've been trying to figure it out lol

~Narrator's POV~

Y/n walks inside the middle school going to her dad's room, the place is very quiet, which is the opposite of what the school is usually like, there is a very uncomfortable atmosphere around but it's to be expected, after all, one of the students was announced dead, it's not something that ever happens or people think will happen.

"Hi dad," She says standing at the door.

"Hey honey, thanks for coming to help the kids by talking about losing someone," He tells her walking out of the room.

"No worries, how are the boys doing?" She asks him, walking next to him.

"I'm not sure, I haven't seen them today, they must be having a rough time though, I can't even imagine"

Y/n doesn't even want to imagine how they must be feeling, they're only twelve years old and have already lost their best friend to some terrible accident, no kid should go through what they're going through, but the circumstances can't be changed, unfortunately, and all they can do is be there for the boys so things are easier for them, comfort them in any way possible, and make sure that Will's memory lives on.

"Attention students, there will be an assembly to honour Will Byers in the gymnasium now. Do not go to fourth period"

The principal announced from the speakers, when it all goes quiet again they can hear voices coming from somewhere near and just as they turn to the right they see the three boys with a girl standing in the corridors.

"Boys?" Scott says as they turn to look at him.

"Hey," Lucas says, trying not to seem suspicious.

"The assembly is about to start" Y/n adds.

"We know," Mike tells her, "We're just, you know"

"Upset," Lucas explains with a smile before looking down sad.

"Yeah, yeah, definitely upset" Dustin repeats.

"We need some alone time," Mike says.

"To cry" Dustin adds.

Y/n looks at them confused, noticing they are acting stranger than usual.

"Yeah, listen, I get it, I do" Mr Clarke begins telling them, "I know how hard this is, but let's just be there for Will, huh? And then" he gets his keys out from his pocket and tosses them to Mike, "The Heathkit is all yours for the rest of the day, what do you say?" he asks them.

The boys look at him with a smile nodding, happy with the idea.

"I haven't seen you around here before, is she new? What's your name?" Y/n asks the blonde girl standing next to Mike.

"Elev-" The girl begins to say before she's interrupted by Mike, Lucas and Dustin.

"Eleanor, she's my-"

"Cousin!"

"Second cousin"

"She's here for Will's funeral" Mike adds.

Y/n stands there trying to figure out whether the three boys expected her to really believe the obvious lie they just told her, and by the look of it they were sure she was going to believe it.

"Ah, well, welcome to Hawkins Middle, Eleanor, I wish you were here under better circumstances," Her dad tells the girl.

"Thank you" She softly says.

"Uh, where are you from exactly?" Y/n asks her.

The eyes of the three boys widen as they turn to look at Elenor who shakes her head.

"Bad place-"

"Sweden!" Dustin shouts. "I have a lot of Swedish family" Mike adds. "She hates it there" Dustin mentions. "Cold" Lucas says. "Subzero"

Everything feels very awkward after that, Y/n and Scott look at each other, confusion visible on their face, but they decide to just move past the conversation.

"Shall we?" Her dad says looking at the kids.

"Yep," Lucas says as they all walk towards the sports hall.

Dustin opens the door to the room interrupting the principal and drawing everyone's attention to the five of them.

"Great" Y/n mumbles.

Dustin turns around trying to leave but is pushed back inside by Lucas.

Lucas, Mike, Dustin and Eleanor take a seat on the benches while Y/n and Scott sit on the chairs behind the principal.

"We have Y/n Clarke from Hawkins High to talk to you guys a bit about how it feels to lose someone, Y/n," The principal says turning to look back at her.

She stands up taking a deep breath, public speaking it's not fun, especially having to talk to a bunch of clearly bored and annoying pre-teenagers. Y/n smiles at the principal walking next to him and moving to look at the kids, most of them looked like they couldn't wait for this to be over, some were mildly interested or at least respected the situation, a very small group was actually upset, and then in the crowd, she saw two boys laughing, she noticed that Mike and Lucas saw them too, and man does she hate bullies.

"Can you two at the back be quiet?" She shouts glaring at the two boys, they look back at her embarrassed and annoyed but stop talking, "Thank you"

Now I could share with you the sad story that Y/n is telling the kids, but in reality, the anecdote isn't actually that sad, she doesn't even remember her mother at all, she died when Y/n was only two-years-old in a car accident, but stretching the truth for the kids to stop being little assholes wouldn't hurt at the end of the day. So she put on her best sad face and took ten minutes of the kid's day to share the story.

"So let's keep Will's memory alive, and show some respect," She says finishing her speech. The bell goes off and the kids start leaving the room, Y/n walks over to her dad, "You okay?"

"Yeah I'm okay honey" In comparison to her Scott obviously remembers her mother a lot, and he gets very sentimental whenever someone talks about her, it's a sensitive topic.

"Do you want me to go talk to the kids?" She asks him.

"No don't worry, I'll talk to them you should go back to class," He tells her with a smile, she smiles back at him and waves goodbye as she walks out of the gym.

Y/n walks back to the High School and gets on with her usual day. Nothing interesting really happens after, she just attends her lessons, has lunch with Robin, and then meets once again with her dad so they can go home. Her life really is pretty boring when she thinks about it, always the same cycle over and over, it would be nice to do something new for a change.

~~~~~~~~

The next day school was cancelled since it was Will's funeral.

Y/n woke up at 8:00 am to get ready, the funeral was scheduled to start at 11:00 am and would probably last about two hours, after that most people would attend the wake which would last about an hour or so, which meant Y/n would have enough time to go back home, get changed and then walk to her shift which starts at three thirty.

She changed into the outfit she had planned for the funeral, lucky for her she already had black clothes which meant she didn't need to buy new ones for this day, it wouldn't have been fun to buy clothes for a funeral.

All she could think about while getting ready was the fact she was attending Will's funeral, it really was happening, he was actually dead, it wasn't just a bad nightmare she had anymore, it was a reality. No one ever wants to attend the funeral of someone younger than them, they're supposed to live longer than you after all, so when that doesn't happen it's just so  heartbreaking.

"Are you ready to go honey?" Scott asks her as he knocks on her door.

"Yeah, let's go," she says walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

The drive to the funeral was completely quiet, neither Y/n nor her dad had the strength or energy to try and initiate a conversation, there wasn't much to talk about anyway, so really it was for the best.

When they arrived he parked his car at the car park next to the church, they both got out and walked towards Joyce and Jonathan who were standing in front of the soon-to-be grave. Y/n went up to Jonathan and gave him a big hug, she hadn't seen him since Will went missing, and she wanted to ask him how he was feeling but she guessed that was the last thing he needed to be asked today, so instead she just gave him a soft smile as she moved away from the hug and turned to look at Joyce.

She doesn't say anything, she looks so confused to be there like it isn't right.

Y/n wanted to say so much to Joyce, she wanted to tell her how sorry she was for what had happened, how she couldn't believe it was Will out of all the people it could've been, how he was such a fantastic kid he didn't deserve this, but she couldn't tell her that, not at this time anyway, "We'll be here if you need anything" was all she said, with a soft smile.

She turns to look at the kids, she expected them to be already crying their eyes out or something along those lines, but instead, they seemed normal, they didn't look upset or sad, and they didn't even look like they were hiding their feelings, which Y/n would've definitely found weird if it wasn't for the fact that the moment she saw the boys she just wanted to breakdown into tears and hug them.

"How are you guys doing?" She asked them walking over to the boys.

"We're okay," Dustin tells her looking over at Lucas and Mike.

"You guys know it's okay to cry, right?" She tells them.

"Yeah, we know," Dustin says looking at Lucas and Mike, the three of them nodding.

"Good, I'm here if you need to talk" She adds and they smile at her.

More and more people start arriving, but instead of people talking more everything goes completely quiet, and eventually, the funeral begins.

All Y/n is able to do is look down during the entire speech, she barely has the strength to look at Will's casket, it's so small, and caskets shouldn't be that small. In the end, everyone throws some flowers inside the hole before they close it.

Everyone then heads to the wake, there are tables and food organised in the place, and most people are talking, probably about something not even remotely related to Will, Lonnie is speaking to Mr and Mrs Wheeler, meanwhile, Joyce is sitting by herself, on the other side of the room Y/n and Scott are getting some food from the lunch table, when Mike, Lucas and Dustin walk up to them.

"Mr Clarke," Mike says, Scott and Y/n turn around to look at the boys.

"Oh, hey there, how are you boys holding up?" He asks them.

"We're...in...mourning" Lucas answers.

"Man, these aren't real Nilla Wafers" Dustin mumbles, Mike and Lucas turn to look at him as if he just said something irrelevant, which he did but kids usually do that.

"We were wondering if you had time to talk?" "We have some questions" "A lot of questions," Mike and Lucas say.

"What do you want to know?"

Mr Clarke, Y/n and the three boys take a seat on one of the tables and begin to ask the questions, they ask about alternate dimensions but not an alternate dimension where Will's death never happened but more about an evil alternate dimension, like the Vale of Shadows, and then they ask how one would travel there, theoretically of course. Scott explains things to the boys in the simplest way possible which is by comparing things to a flea and an acrobat, explaining how there are places an acrobat, which in this case is them, can only explore so much, meanwhile, a flea will be able to reach places they can't. The boys ask if there's a way the acrobat could reach the upside down, and he explains that it only would be possible by creating an insane amount of energy one bigger than humans can currently make which could open up a gate to reach the upside down.

"Science is neat, but not very forgiving" Scott adds as he finishes explaining things to the boys.

"You guys always have the weirdest questions you know," Y/n says chuckling as she looks at the three boys, she had this feeling that they were hiding something, that there was something going on with them, but she couldn't figure out what it was.

"We're just... very curious," Dustin tells her looking at the other two who nod at this comment.

"Well make sure that curiosity doesn't kill you," She says with a smile standing up, "I should probably start saying goodbye to everyone dad, I need to leave soon so I can get ready for work"

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home?" He asks her.

"It's okay, I know you want to stay here longer talking with the boys and everyone else, and I have my skates anyway so it won't take me long to get home" She explains to him.

He sighs smiling at her knowing that he does, in fact, want to stay longer and that either way he won't be able to change her mind, "Be careful" he says.

"I will, love you dad, bye kids, you can call me at home if you need anything okay?"

"Okay"

~~~~~~~

After working for five hours Y/n was finally able to say goodbye to her last customer, she turned on the radio and listened to 'Old Time Rock & Roll' while she cleaned the cafe, dancing along to the song and singing the lyrics as she organised everything and made sure it was nice and clean. When she finally finished she turned off the light and walked out of the cafe closing it and locking it, she put on her skates and started skating over to her house.

She was glad she didn't take today off work because it actually helped her get her mind off everything that had happened lately, the cafe has always been a comfort place of hers so it made her feel better.

Normally she didn't mind going home after work alone, Hawkins had always been a very safe place, and she always carried some bleach in a bottle in her bag just in case, but after Barb's disappearance, the thought of walking alone at night was not so fun. So she decided to skate as fast as she could so she could get home soon, unfortunately, Y/n had her sleeves rolled up and forgot the fact it was a cold night in November and the ground would be frozen, so when she tripped on an uneven step she didn't just stop herself like she usually did but instead fell forwards on the rocky ground scraping her arms.

"Fuck" she says pushing herself up and carefully standing again, she looks down at her arms to see that they're bleeding, great, "Why is blood so dramatic?" she asks herself rolling her sleeves down, not even trying to stop the blood knowing it will be a waste of time anyway.

She continues skating to her home, and slowly this feeling that she's being followed starts growing in her stomach, she turns around to look behind her but sees nothing, she shakes her head, telling herself that she's tired and anxious so it's just her mind making her paranoid, she continues skating but the feeling doesn't go, if anything it just gets worst, she keeps looking around hoping it will make her feel better but instead she sees a weird shadow inside the woods, a tall, dark figure with a strange head; she picks up her pace trying to go as fast as she can while being careful so that she won't fall again, she looks back at the woods to see the figure closer than it was before, she doesn't care if she falls again she starts skating as fast as she possibly can, her eyes not moving away from the tall shadow that was getting closer, scared that she might end up like Barbara, missing and possibly dead.

Meanwhile, Steve Harrington was driving his car down the road she was about to walk across, he had just dropped Tommy and Carol at their house after going to check on Nancy, and it hadn't gone well, he saw her with Jonathan and was convinced that she was cheating on him with Jonathan.

Y/n was freaking out so much she didn't realise when the car stopped right in front of her until she is stopped by the car crashing against the side door, she looks inside the car to see none other than Steve he looks at her confused noticing she had in fact just hit her head against his car, he rolled down his window as she looks back seeing the tall, shadow creature leaving the woods and making its way towards her.

"Hey Einstein, are you okay?" Steve asks checking on her.

Y/n doesn't even take a second to think, her survival instincts and panic took over her brain, and all she does is open the passenger's door getting inside the car.

"Go!" she shouts at him, his eyebrows knit together as he looks at her puzzled.

"What?"

"Steve just go! Go! Go!" she shouts at him.

Steve lets go of the brake pedal and push's down at the accelerator as he turns to the left and drives away as fast as possible, Y/n turns back as she watches the dark creature fade away into the dark disappearing from her view. Neither of them says anything during the drive, Y/n didn't even know where Steve was taking her until he parks in front of a house.

"What the hell just happened?" he asks turning to look at her confused and worried.

"Someone or something was following me, I was trying to get away from it and then I bumped into you and I didn't know what else to do, I got scared I was going to end up going missing or kidnapped or something like that, I'm sorry I didn't mean to get into your car like that" she explains apologising once she takes in the incredibly bizarre situation.

"It's okay, I mean we wouldn't want you to go missing" she nods at him, "Is your arm okay?" he asks, looking down at her arm worried, Y/n turns to look at him confused.

"What?"

"Your jacket has blood around your arm" he points out.

"Oh, it's nothing I just scraped my arms when I fell," she tells him rolling her sleeves up.

"That doesn't look like nothing" he adds.

"It's fine I'll just disinfect it when I get home"

"You could just disinfect it here, we have saline solution," he says turning off the car and looking at her.

"Won't your parents mind?" she asks him, not wanting to bother anyone.

"They're probably already asleep, they won't even notice I just got home, we can quickly disinfect your arms and then I can drive you home" he suggests to her.

"Oh no it's okay I don't want to keep you up for longer"

"It's fine really, I was probably going to stay awake for a while anyway," he says smiling at her as he opens the door and gets out of the car, walking towards the passenger's door.

"Thanks," Y/n says getting out of the car and closing the door, "Who knows what would've happened if I hadn't bumped into you"

"Well, I do owe you big time, this is one of the thirty I guess" he chuckles locking his car and walking to the front door.

"You still got a long way to go," she smiles at him.

"Yeah well let's hope the next one is me passing my chemistry test without your help," he tells her with a smile opening the door.

Y/n laughs at him as she walks inside, "Then you've got a lot of studying to do"

Thank you for reading! Any likes and reblogs are very appreciated!

[lesbianherald]

Top/Bottom discourse is totally irrelevant to me personally as long as they get to fuq dirty nasty I’m happy ✌️ the only thing that puts me off is Viktor/women no hate to bi!Viktor truthers the idea of Viktor with a woman just does not compute with me lol

this is 100% factually correct it really gives me the ick in a way that's probably a little ridiculous lol. I think its partially because Viktor is the only male character in arcane widely headcannoned as GAY so it makes me ???? like really guys ??? that is homotron6000

it makes me like. irrationally uncomfortable in a way I do not know how to unpack. DSKLFJSHD.

idk something something being a gay woman a lot of people still assume I'm into men/think I will be someday something something I see this happen to gay characters all the time in a way that's really reflective of real life something something?

even though its not canon at all in my head viktor being gay is a fact. viktor is gay. the sky is blue. so whenever ppl try and stick him with a woman I'm literally like ???? hello ??? in my head I forget its not actually confirmed. but in my heart it is. so it freaks me out man KLDJFHSKL

its very silly. i know this is discoursey a little in a way I usually don't engage with but yeah. the good thing is is I can mute/block on twitter because mute doesn't work and move on. it is not as deep as I make it out to be in my very weird brain.

additionally i feel like sexuality aside a lot of the ships I see viktor randomly put in are very incompatible with how I personally view his character. just emotionally. fundamentally. politically even.

but like yeah people should have their fun I am soooo normal

[hihigherdi]

When I was at the Al Brooks talk, I kept thinking about how much I loved writing when I was younger, when I first got here to San Francisco. I have so many stories from the different retail places I’ve worked – Nordstrom, Microsoft, where I am now - where I climbed and then fell off the corporate ladders year after year while going to therapy to deal with all of the personal stuff that the jobs surfaced

I might drop a few entries here of that old writing stuff as I think about what could be new.

Love is the Elixir

He came well recommended though he lived in the country. My friends and I share a prejudice regarding rural America, we’re too cynical to appreciate its undiscovered charms. Sure, we like the ponies and the idea of antiquing but when you haul that stuff back to the house? All you really have is an old busted up bench that’s really uncomfortable. Where I’m from, everybody knows that the best part of small towns is the hope that you’ll come across a rogue A&W so you can drink the perfect root beer float. As with most small towns, the road turned into more roads and suddenly, I was there.

You’d think a therapist’s office in the country would at least have some kind of white picket fence. Maybe one of those Desidrata welcome mats or a winsome little sign on a wooden door that said “We’re just two chickens clucking around”.

I’m nervous even writing this.

But instead I was greeted by a pasture filled with Longhorn cattle, the kind that seems to only live in Texas or a Chuck Norris film. You know – America. But seriously, Longhorn cattle? In my therapeutic experience? That was unexpected. I parked my little city slicker car so terribly out of place, wandered up to the fence and eye-balled a big male. It was a “he” based on the size of its…hooves. It lumbered over and eye-balled me right back.

Hello cow.

I knew he probably deserved a more majestic greeting but my whispered hi there was further indictment of why I was there in the first place (I had no opening lines with males of any kind).

I tentatively opened up the little country door to the little country house. A deafening wave of classical music coming from upstairs hit me square in the face from a room somewhere upstairs. It was the music that someone who had to sit on the other side of other peoples’ crazy needs to absorb between appointments. I felt guilty that we put him through it.

I waited in the obligatory little room where people like me wait. Leather-bound books and a cozy chair that felt like it had been born there. And a poster that simply read “Love is the Elixir of the Universe.” While I sunk into the chair and silently panicked, a little Corgi waddled her way inside. I stroked her back, admired her little belly and told her so. Feeling my heart slow just a little. Would I still have need of a therapist had I invested in a dog two years ago? What about a cat? A bird would have sent me there years earlier, I knew that much.

The music stopped. A disembodied voice cut through the silence and called for me without using my name. One part Indian, one part British all the rest of it weary. I’d been rejected by enough men to know he didn’t want me there which was fine, fuck you Mr.Tired Voice, I didn’t exactly want to be there either.

He was an old man. Surprisingly little. Glasses. Bare feet. God. Bare feet, come on.

He sat in his chair. I sat in the couch. He didn’t look at me, didn’t say hello. Just started writing on a note pad. We sat there for a good minute or two in total silence. If someone could have harnessed my nervous energy a few more polar bears would be alive today. Did you read the Wall Street Journal article suggesting that nervous energy is extremely productive? It can create things like biodegradable fuel that people outside of Berkeley actually care about and save animals that are extinct. Maybe you’re reading this, you’re smart enough to make that happen and you just haven’t because you’re nervous but you’re lazy. Do you feel badly now that you know you could have done something for the bears? If not you should, you really should.

Why are you here.

I’m here to let go of a relationship I never really had that may have wrecked me.

So you’re crazy then.

(Go to hell you elitist, classical music-listening, cotton shirt-wearing, creepy barefoot longhorn cattle-owning clearly height compensating narcissist.)

Well it feels that way sometimes. But I don’t want to be.

What happens if you really are wrecked.

At least I’ll know. That has to be good. It’s the not knowing that’s hard.

But don’t you already know?

(Jesus asked, Do you really want to get well?)

I suppose I do. I guess I want to be something more than wrecked from someone who should have never wrecked me in the first place.

Will you tell the truth?

Yes. (too quick)

…I don’t think I know how.

So you’re a liar.

(He SEES. Get out. Make him like you. But he won’t. He sees you.)

I don’t have much to lose so I guess I will. It’s weird how long it took to get here, how tightly one can cling to something that doesn’t even exist, that’s all in my head but false hope seems to be postponed grief. So yes, I’ll be honest. Maybe it’s easy to be honest when one is at the bottom of things.

Is that it?

Is what it?

Silence.

What are you afraid of most?

That I’ll charm you and you won’t be able to see me and I will leave with the relief of knowing that I’ve fooled you like I’ve fooled everybody else. And the despair of knowing that I did.

You know all that is up to you.

That’s what scares me the most.

It should.

I may not be ready for this. I may not be capable.

No one ever is. Isn’t that beautiful.

[cherryeclipses]

Dean Winchester x Angel!Reader 🪽 Fallen

tw: mentions of hell (not graphic)

slowburn, light angst. She/her pronouns, minimal use of Y/N. Please ignore inconsistencies in the show/lore - it’s fan fiction!!

Part I here

𓆩♡𓆪

Part II - 3rd person POV

We're bored to death in heaven and all alone in hell.

"Dude what the hell?" Dean asks Castiel, in between sips of cheap whiskey. "In case you forgot, you're helping us to stop the apocalypse, not get distracted by some pretty angel. Who we don't even know if we can trust." "I told you already, she can help. She has seen and knows things not even the archangels are aware of. She's centuries older than me." the angel says honestly. Dean looks between him and Sam doubtfully. "Castiel, how did another angel end up in hell and how come no one's ever heard of her?" Sam asks, trying to diffuse the obvious tension. Castiel looks around the dark bar, all the tables surrounding the group are empty, only a passed out man at the bar and a lone group hustling pool a few feet away from them. "Y/N was created along with the archangels, centuries ago, long before your earth. She was a beacon in heaven, God's mightiest warrior but that was until humans were created. She become obsessed, leaving heaven to visit earth as often as she could, nobody could understand why. She confided in me, I was her only real companion in heaven, but her love for humanity was too strong, she really sealed her fate one night when she had sexual relations with a human man." Dean's eyes widened at the news, trying to imagine how different sex with an angel would be. "So, Y/N was banished to hell because of it?" Sam questioned. "Yes." Castiel replied solemnly. "She was banished not only to hell but to Lucifer's cage." "That's brutal." muttered Dean, remembering how horrifying hell was, he couldn't imagine being locked in the cage with Lucifer himself for centuries. "God has been known to be particularly wrathful when his favourites disobey." Castiel continued. "So you trust Y/N?" Sam asked "Even though you don't know what happened to her down there, you think she'll still be on our side?" The younger Winchester was skeptical. Castiel's eyes narrowed, "Yes. I do. She always loved humans. It would devastate her to see the apocalypse and not try to stop it."

𓆩♡𓆪

That night Dean couldn't sleep, the crappy motel bed was more uncomfortable than usual, the cheap alcohol and fast food felt heavy in his stomach and most of all he couldn't stop thinking of Y/N. Her vessel was breathtaking, if this was under any other circumstances he'd have already have her number and be smooth talking her over dinner. But she's an angel and not just any angel but Lucifer's cellmate. As he stared up at the grey ceiling he couldn't help but think about what it must've been like in the cage, the torture she must've endured, and his heart sank. Dean only met the angel once briefly but he really felt for her, maybe it was his mind's way of distracting him from the real problem at hand, Michael and Lucifer, but he was happy for the distraction for the night. "You called?" A soft voice startled Dean. He lept from his bed, Y/N was standing at the end of his bed, staring blankly. "No I didn't, what is with you angels thinking you can pop in uninvited." He said defensively. "Uninvited?" The girl whispered, noting Sam was fast asleep in the bed beside Dean. "You prayed to me Dean. So I came," Dean shook his head in disbelief, "Yeah right, I'm sorry. I didn't think I was." "It's okay, I'll go -" "No, stay." He interrupted. "What? I can assure you feelings are not hurt, I'll go so you can sleep. It is three in the morning." Y/N said calmly. Dean moved to sit at the edge of the squeaky bed "I can't sleep, so want to keep me company for a while?" The angel mirrored his actions cautiously and sat at the table across from Dean. She studied his face for a moment, trying to decipher if the man was sincere or not. "This is not usually what people pray for..." She said. "Yeah well I do. Cas seems to trust you so I wanted to get to know you." And your body, Dean thought to himself. "Oh. Right." Y/N paused for a moment, "What do you want to know?" "What's your fascination with humans? I heard that's what got you kicked out." Dean questioned. "You heard correctly. I think humanity is wonderful, you are free. You can have a real life. Love, family, empathy, hope, we don't have any of that. In heaven you are a follower, nothing more." She said wistfully. "My father created you in his image, humans are his favourite creation for a reason so it shouldn't seem too unbelievable." Dean had to chuckle and shake his head, "So God loves people so much but he draws the line at an angel getting it on with a human?" but before he could finish his sentence he realised he'd said too much. Y/N's brow furrowed and her head tilted to the side, eyeing up the man across from her. "I disobeyed Dean, I'm sure Castiel has told you all about it, but if this is all you want to talk about, then I'll be leaving." She started to stand up but Dean reached his hand out to stop her. "C'mon you're right I shouldn't have said anything. But you can't blame me from being curious. Was it good at least? Y/N just laughed, she couldn't believe he had just asked her if it was good. Dean was the most interesting human she'd ever met. She sighed, "Yes, it was. Was it unethical? Also yes, but it felt better than heaven, I felt human for a moment." Dean opened his mouth to make another joke but changed his mind quickly, he couldn't scare her off just yet. He was starting to like this angel. "Look, I don't know what it was like down in the cage but Sammy and I could really use your help with this whole stopping the apocalypse thing. Cas says you know more about Lucifer than anyone." He said honestly. "I'd be honoured to help in anyway I can. Castiel was my only friend, I owe him a lot and I don't want to witness the death of millions of people. I will warn you though, Lucifer and Michael are the most persistent beings I know. They will do everything in their power to get you boys to say yes." "I'm sorry I must go now Dean, I can't let my brothers and sisters know I escaped, not yet at least. Goodbye." She smiled softly before disappearing.

Dean flopped back on his bed, he was completely and utterly screwed. How was he going to work with this woman who created butterflies in his stomach after one conversation? He finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning to dreams of him and a certain angel rebelling against heaven together.

𓆩♡𓆪

Honestly am just writing this story for myself. I don't care if no one reads it, I am in my own fantasy on this one. Oh to be Dean Winchesters unattainable crush ...

[mhevarujta]

You can't deny that Ellen and Orlok loved each other. Eggers has said so himself.

I kind of can though.

In my opinion Eggers created a love triangle that is very much about the possibility of separatism between romantic emotion and sexual appetite. It also seems to be a conscious choice, considering that this was not the case in his 2016 script. You can see in his writing process that Eggers moves from a story where Ellen is tender towards Orlok and even feels confidence in his presence to all those elements disappearing from the script by 2023. Her desire is the only thing that DOES remain. I think it's very telling that people, and even women, have still trouble when it comes to dealing with female sexuality outside of romance, but I don't think that desire has to be somehow validated by love. Still, there will always be those viewers who will try to put Ellen's sexuality into a little box because deep down they are made uncomfortable by it even as they claim that they are accepting and understanding of this fictional character. I don't think this will change.

Moreover, when has Eggers ever said that Ellen and Orlok LOVE each other? I am aware that he has made a Wuthering Heights comparison, but he's stripped Orlok of any of Heathcliff's humanity. This is not Emily Bronte we're talking about. Eggers keeps emphasizing the aspects of sex and death concerning vampires, not love. And while he's certainly said that there is yearning and a connection that goes both ways, even that it's about loneliness, he's also admitted concerning his idea of a demon-lover story that: "It's not so much love, it's obsession. And I think that that's the nature of this relationship."

[saturnservers]

okay, not to burst some bubbles, but i do LOVE kazam.. i just know it would never work out? like i love the idea of kazam... like... okay, so kazam will never be a healthy thing until kaboodle understands herself or understands how to healthily manage her feelings in regards to her lack of ... guidance? all she has is karmas law to guide her morals and actions, but that's a thing she keeps separated from her "true" self. like some omnipotent thing she can't control (she can) [more below cut... this is a YAP fest now]

and on top of that, her mistreatment (intentional or not) of zam, and even other people around her is so? like okay, lets not get upset she killed a naked jepexx, lets not be stupid, the same thing has happened to her before so she just thinks its a thing that happens, its not right but i'll defend her there.

but her interpersonal relationships really bum me out? i think lskab is vv capable of learning, and her parallel of s4 zam w eclipsefed and zam taking that role for her... like zam grew, and so could they but for now? It's understandable why people dont like lskab, because we dont even know who lskab is... like? what does she stand for? what are her morals? she could say it's karmas law and keeping the server going, but is it?

take for example, mawn. zam and kab both love spawn and want preserve it, constantly rebuilding the homes and builds there, but when mawn came around, while yes zam left bcs he didnt wanna fight mapicc, another reason is bcs zam acknowledged people LIKED mawn. they ENJOYED not dying every time they went to mawn. and zam was unwilling to take that from the server

meanwhile, kab wants to keep spawn active, so she created her own, one that actively rivals mawn not just in name but in status, in activity, in function. and she seems to behave so naively about it? she thinks no one will blow it up, but manepear isn't the only one with access to tnt, and sure, re:spawn is above mawn, but it's the same chunks? if the stone and caves below mawn are still mawn, if zams Island is still mawn, then surely, so is re:spawn? i feel like.. this wasn't thought through very well... and beyond that, it's the fact that kab keeps going, "No one, person should own spawn," but mawn belongs to flame AND mapicc... and to a certain extent? even spoke and jepexx

It's just idk... lskab doesn't think through things vv well because she has a certain belief of how people act, and she thinks they wouldn't defy their expectations. meanwhile, zam is someone who thinks and overthinks every action every word, every look he gives up. its to the point that he gives people the bod because he KNOWS them, while lskab decides to trust immediately and then despise... kab is so .... genuinely interesting?

like you either hate lskab or love her, and im like... can we acknowledge her flaws and their misguided nature while also seeing her strengths and kindness and love?? i am talking abt lstwt btw,,, vv scary rn... anyways.. shoutout kazam, i hope they go to prom together and have another falling out bcs, lskab reminds zam why he is so uncomfortable around them!

like i get so annoyed w lskabs mischaracterizations sometimes, but i love that? its so human to expect someone to behave one way and be shocked when they dont. even though i do think lskab and zam could def learn from one another, lskab holds a refreshing pov (being a new player and encouraging zam to build a place for himself [i think?!]) and zam holds very wise advice (for a new player whos going a similar path, zam is a very reliable person rn and a very loyal one too, beyond his paranoia), idk i just think they could be an awesome duo and even though theyre super toxic and fit like a dog and a cat, kazam is vv interesting and i hate that people just dont want to talk about it...

or ideally, in a perfect world shaped in my image, zam and planet go together since bacon won't take planet.... dandelion duo COME BACK PLEASEEEEEE

[idliketobeatree]

@dont-offend-the-bees okay my darling first of all

AND SECOND OF ALL. i am gobsmacked by your commentary, thank you for taking the time to write these tags despite the cold sickly weather day!! you picked up on so many things i usually only hope people will find, and it feels like the biggest prize that you scored so many!!

(we both agree on charles in the middle supremacy <3)

and the way you described their individual voices!! excuse me! plucked them out of my brain but better! absolutely brills detail cought that you can technically read them as separate and they will make sense, but you feel there's something lacking all the same, waiting on the sidelines, and that only when they're together there is true harmony.

i hope you don't mind me turning this reblog for the director's cut for the poem!!

so here are my scattered thoughts:

starting out, i had to think about how each character would feel about their developed relationship. how it makes their life more rich? what would change about their self-perception? what can they take for themselves?

trying to breach the gap between magical and time-suspended in centuries cat king, and quite young in terms of their afterlife edwin and charles. especially charles.

charles in the middle, because this is an equilateral triangle, not a love corner around edwin; not payneland + ck, not catwin + charles. nothing wrong with those! just not the vibes i wanted

the most challenging part is not even the melding, but balancing between (what i imagine to be) their inner voice and actual poetic phrases. i don't want to feel restrained by their vocabulary, but sometimes finding the sweet middleground means you need to take down a notch of poetics for their voices to be still believable.

charles finding the strength within himself to heal-- with their combined power and support. he always includes himself in the picture. "six arms to form / all the goo inside of me" or "three dimensional beings": he recognises himself as part of the trio and he knows he doesn't have to do this alone

there's a wondrous, analysing part of edwin's brain that's somehow pleasantly surprised by this situation; he can't help but wonder what he'd be missing out on.

this poem is basically a playground. i've shown you four games these kids like to play, and they're bound by rules, but there are about ten more hidden mini-games in there. for example:

hurray! you can pick and pluck the lines from each individual poem to make new meanings! i underlined just four options.

charles' poem makes similar sense, but takes on different personal priorities if you read it from the bottom to the top

AND technically you CAN pair them up, the poems. edwin's and charles' work together well. so do charles' and tck's. it's vital for them to have a dialogue, the partnership wouldn't last otherwise.

edwin's and tck strong connection is implied, but they're on opposite sides for a reason. tck already feels a bit on cloud nine about the whole arrangement and i feel like. charles grounds him? keeps him from seeing god in edwin's eyes, you know?

THE STRUCTURE: a bit silly, but it does looks like charles is reaching out to both of them. i'm emotional about it.

AND ALSO. the closest they ever get during the line "the moment of crowning / clarity on where you stand, double-adored / a chance i never stood", because it's REALLY something that brings them together. you can't argue with that. ghostcat to me only works if all puzzle pieces fall into place, there is clear communication, there is love from all sides, the humbling and mortifying realisation that you can't be loved and protect yourself at the same time-- and in order to do that, you must get uncomfortably close.

i think that's it! thanks for reading to the end, and see you in the next poems <3

dead boy detectives contrapuntal poems — 4 — (1) (2) (3) for @dont-offend-the-bees, @dear-monday and @tw0-ravens <3

(click for better quality ✳️)

[scruncheduppaper]

seeing ppl on twitter’s takes about snowgrave kriselle makes me want to kill myself oh my godddd “its toxic” “regular kriselle better bc its healthier” DO YOU THINK I WANT TO SEE THEM MUSHY KISS AND BE LOVEY DOVEY AND HUG EACH OTHER??? NO!!! the APPEAL is that adding romantic connotations to their snowgrave relationship (which mind you very much already exists in canon) allow their relationship to become so much more interesting. do i think they’ll become truly endgame canon? do i think they’re in love with each other??? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! AND I DONT WANT THEM TO!!! the POINT is that it’s supposed to be dark and interesting and exploratory of their characters in relation to the deconstruction of autonomy in video games through gender roles and principles of knighthood and the idea of the “damsel in distress”. not to mention that “shipping” regular kriselle and snowgrave kriselle isnt mutually exclusive either. in fact i think understanding both allows you to analyse their relationship much more fully and deeply than without considering the other side. and besides, isnt the fucking point of shipping to explore character relationships??? why would you want to Ignore nuance and depth rather than focus on it???? are you unable to handle anything deeper or darker than like fucking cocomelon??? if you hate character analysis and dark themes in relationships you can head on back there or smth idfk oh my lord i cant fucking TAKE IT ANYMORE